sustenance.

i sat in the noodle shop by myself.

I had walked there in what seemed like the freezing cold from my apartment. I had been there for more than 24 hours, doing little more than watching television and periodically checking facebook. a recent hospital visit had left me without the energy to do much, and what little was left was obliterated by pharmaceutical grade narcotics.

although i kept to myself, i play a game with myself to observe others eating habits. in noodle shops it’s especially fun.

while i devoured my pho with zeal, i looked up to see a couple across from me carefully placing their noodles on their spoon, to be sure they would never be caught slurping.

apparently slurping is the “proper” way to do it, but in my opinion it’s just more enjoyable. probably they never heard that before.

dining alone you have a lot of time to think, and it never interrupts your eating.

well actually, doing anything alone you have a lot of time to think, and it never interrupts anything.

i left the noodle shop full and warm. it had started snowing.

one of the things about being alone is that you (well, I) systematically analyze everything that’s wrong or right in your life. checklist of doom.

destiny!
karma!
self-destruction!
Fear.
isolation.
Ambition.
Warmth.
Love.

in all those, imaginary scenarios play out in my head until I do not know what is real or imagined. the power of the mind is almost too much.

at times like that, i wish things were simple. i wish the truth would present itself to me.

at times like that:

i approach a dépanneur from a distance. the snow is falling lightly on the ground, and the yellow street lights illuminate the street with their otherworldly glow.

even from that distance i can hear the music, soft and charming.

the melody hits me first, then the light brush of the drumsticks.

a light trumpet fills the winter air with its potent but soothing sound.

jazz! it fills my head with such a a feeling of joy it’s almost too easy to forget all my insecurities and worries.

i walk past, and even as the music slowly fades in my ears, it gets louder in my heart.

sustenance comes in many forms – be it physical, spiritual, audio or visual.

some of these may be more important than others, but one thing remains:

the important thing is that we are getting fed.

Listening: Wynton Marsalis – Marsalis Standard Time

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~ by getbackwards on January 26, 2012.

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