little things, big things.

i hit my head on a sharp metal corner last night. i woke up this morning with blood in my hair. i got a papercut without any paper. a chicken foot exploded all over my arm. i have calluses bigger than canadian currency.

i have a colony of grey hairs building on my temples.

the repetition of cooking either mesmerizes you or breaks you down.

usually both.

everyday between 3 and 5 I disappear into my own world. A world where there is only me and cutting big  things into smaller things. The voices of my coworkers echo in my ears like a dull and distant roar.

i probably come off as distant or aloof, but really I just fear of losing my concentration, my focus.

why do you cook? for other people? or for yourself?
i gain pleasure from cooking for my friends. the joy that a complete stranger will feel eating my food doesn’t affect me, since I rarely see their thanks or appreciation. the feeling of pure expression and perfection of making a beautiful plate probably doesn’t show on my face, but that is only because i am secretly afraid that I have failed.

cooking destroys time. just like heat consumes everything, cooking consumes me. time disappears like it never existed, just another service. just another day of little failures and little successes.

the goal is to have more successes than failures. you will always fail. always. and keep in mind you will never be fully appreciated for all your hard work. you are the only one who knows. you are the only one who knows the fire in your heart. you know how that fire forges the steel in your spine. and one day, you will tell everyone who ever doubted what you are made of – not with words, but with action.

and they will know their folly.

Listening: Lamb – Fear of Fours

~ by getbackwards on March 14, 2011.

One Response to “little things, big things.”

  1. You will have wise temples Teg. Good writing I like it! Dad

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