Last time I wrote, I was in the midst of an incredibly intense time. My job was at stake, I was miserable, and I felt burdened to the fullest extent. I felt alone. I felt useless at work. No one believed in me – even going so far as to actively speak against me. I didn’t even believe in me.

I don’t know if this is what happens to everyone, but I guess sometimes life gives you the shittiest time for two reasons: To see how low you can go, but more importantly to give you a comparison mark so when you finally emerge from the black cloud you will be able to appreciate what you have to the fullest extent.

I don’t know what happened to me, but I actually made a conscious effort to strengthen my personal resolve. It is very easy when you are depressed to let yourself slide into the abyss. When you feel terrible, you can just lie on your couch for hours until it is finally time to go to work, but by then all your energy is drained, and you have nothing to give to anyone.

Maybe it was just the conscious thought that changed things for me. “I don’t want this anymore”. Sometimes just having the idea is enough to change things. If you truly believe that you have the innate ability to be confident, sociable, and a truly winning person, then you will DO IT.

I’ve been cooking like a champ. I’ve still made mistakes, and I truly have been put through the meat grinder a few times so far, but I let it all roll off. I feel energetic, and ready to devour life. I’m hungry.

Listening: Talib Kweli & Hi-Tek – Train of Thought

~ by getbackwards on January 28, 2011.

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